STEVE LYSTON| RED FLAGS FOR DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

With the continuous spotlight on Domestic Violence, and the laws being proposed to
address the situation, recognize that unless we are completely truthful about this issue,
we are simply playing politics and going around the proverbial mulberry bush.
Many times, blame is levied on the church when domestic violence takes place.
Pastors often give the proper advice to one or both parties in the marriage on what to do
when issues arise; but oftentimes, one or both parties in the couple ignore the advice.
Then both husband and wife come together, have a discussion and then agree that the
Pastor is trying to break them up.
Before a relationship is formed, and before the Church can say it sanctions a marriage,
several things need to be confirmed. Is the union the will of God? Many times, the
Church will instruct the couple concerning the Spiritual Protocol the need to follow. It
must be known:
If they have the consent of both sets of parents
If they have their Pastor(s) consent
If they were abusive or abused in a past relationship
What they are bringing to the table.

If there is a negative response from the Pastor/Counsellor, some couples refuse to heed
the red flags, and go searching for a Pastor/Counselor who will marry them for a price.

Choices
Everything we do in life has to do with the choices we make. Domestic Violence starts
with the wrong choices. There are people within society who will tell you that they love
“bad men”, “gunmen”, “rude-boys” and the like, and many of them abuse others as well.
If we are going to deal with domestic violence, then we cannot promote promiscuity,
common law relationships, marijuana use – medical or otherwise, nor can we promote
the argument that we can do whatever we want to do with or to our bodies; because
they all have negative consequences. We must get back to Biblical basics and deal
with the red flags; otherwise, abuse will reign rampant.

Red Flags

When a man tells you that you’re going to church too often, or try to pull you away from
your family – Red Flag.
When they don’t want counselling when something goes wrong – Red Flag.
When your spouse tells you not to have your own bank account – Red Flag.
When your husband keeps getting you pregnant regularly in hopes that no one else will
want you while he mistreats you – Red Flag.
When your spouse doesn’t want you to work and earn a living just so that they can have
control over you financially and otherwise – Red Flag.
When your spouse is “policing” your phone and keeps telling you that if it wasn’t for
them you wouldn’t be where you are or have what you have – Red Flag.

Abuse Is Learnt Behavior
Abuse is learnt based on what the child sees in his/her home. What they learn from
parents and from a cartoon/character – Tom & Jerry, Looney Tunes, SpongeBob,
Spiderman, Wonder Woman and Harry Potter. Abuse should never be treated as a
gender issue nor an issue of class. Abuse is even more prevalent at the top, as many
in the influential “bracket” engage in abuse, and those on the receiving end can’t even
speak to anyone about it. Pride and the fear of going back to poverty holds them at
ransom. At school, any good teacher can identify the signs of abuse in/on their
students.
A person who is not delivered from anger will become a gateway for abuse to enter the
home. Deliverance cannot come by way of medication. It has to be dealt with
Spiritually.
Notwithstanding, witchcraft also plays a role in abuse, but could not be effective without
a pre-existing stronghold – such as, pride, lack of self-control or fear and rejection.

True Love won’t propel you to kill someone then kill yourself. When disappointment or
infidelity takes places, don’t be afraid to walk away; but keep in mind that the Bible also
supports separation for reconciliation. There is always life – hope. God will provide
even better! Never do anything you will regret. Pray, Fast, and Speak to mature people
who qualify to speak into your life.